I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
