just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
