garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
