I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He felt like a one man threesome
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
