Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
