So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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