Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
