You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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