She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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