I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
