so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
