CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
