I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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