I'm so fucking centered right now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
