what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
