try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
