There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All the doctor said was why
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
