my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
