Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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