i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
