3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
