he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
