then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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