Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
