just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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