And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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