So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
