quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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