The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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