is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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