I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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