arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
