"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
