I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
