i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
