come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
