Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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