Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
