i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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