I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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