bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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