i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
