What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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