sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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