I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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