Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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