What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
