Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
