If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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