Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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