i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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